28th Feb 2014
Friday // 9pm // 5 months ago
This blog is solely intended for the use of people who have been the victim of, perpetrator of, or the lover of the misery of someone who has experienced one or more of the following. If you do not fit into any of said categories, PLEASE. Turn back now. There will be no going back.
- have multiple personalities, secret identities, warped realities, or all of the above
- have had an eating disorder or have forced one on someone close to you
- have fallen in love with your kidnapper
- have had an affair with your pastor, doctor, pool boy, brother-in-law, estranged relative who you didn’t know was your relative, your college professor, your babysitter, your husband’s killer, or all of the above
- have solved a crime using psychic abilities
- have fallen in love with the detective who you helped to solve a crime using psychic abilities
- didn’t know you were pregnant (until it was too late)
- didn’t know who the father was (see above)
- have murdered someone out of revenge, jealousy, or boredom (i.e. cheer-leading captains, demanding bosses, hired help, significant others, etc.)
- were murdered by an oddly attractive serial killer
- were an oddly attractive serial killer
- fell in love with an oddly attractive serial killer
- were a member of a pagan sorority, or any other sorority with an evil affiliation
- were a member of a sorority
- have been addicted to plastic surgery, prescription pills, exercising, gambling, setting things on fire, extensive and inexplicable rage, sex, or all of the above
- have been abducted by aliens
- fell in love with the aliens who abducted you
- have competed for a man with your sister, daughter, granddaughter, best friend, or all of the above
- have had the misfortune of discovering your newborn baby is the Antichrist (and then fell in love with the priest hired to exorcise him)
- were once a high class call girl with a heart of gold
- were once any kind of call girl, with or without a heart of gold
- fell in love with a stranger only to discover he was the brother of the man who murdered your husband for his life insurance settlement except you can’t leave him because he has discovered your deep dark secret about really being a man with ties to the mafia all while you’re running from Colombian gem smugglers on a runaway cruise ship in the Caribbean.
Once again, if any of these apply or appeal to you, this may be just the blog you need. We can and may possibly help.
Otherwise, get out while you still can. This is a dirty, torrid web of deceit, passion, betrayal, and ridiculousness you are inching dangerously close to falling into.
The web of the scorned women of Lifetime movies.